The writer is out

There’s no good/easy/clever way to say this, mostly because I’m terrified of how it’s going to be received, so I’ll just blurt it out like a teenage girl in the AV Club shouting her crush at the quarterback from a moving car. (Not that I’ve ever done that…)

Here it is:

My dearest darlings, I’m hanging up my writer’s hat.

No more novels, flash fiction, self-publishing, or Patreon.

Not forever, but for the foreseeable future.

It’s not that I don’t love writing (I do), and it’s not that I don’t love Cora and Jack (I do), and it’s definitely not that I don’t love you (I do, so much).

It’s that I’m no longer the person I was when I started this endeavor.

It’s that I’ve tried to keep my writing life separate from the rest of it, and the fruit of that has been less and less joy and more and more angst.

It’s that I’m burned out and frustrated, exhausted and chafing.

I need to rest.

I need to refresh the well with God and friends and family and time with my husband and sex and art and reading and movies and sleep.

I need to see where this writing thing is meant to go rather than where I keep trying to force it.

And, in order to do that, I need to put it down and walk away, at least for a little while.

But please don’t worry about me or my sanity or my happiness. I want you to know that I’m fine—great, even!

This conviction has been on my heart for months, but it was too scary to acknowledge (much less accept). I resisted, rebelled, refused. But eventually the pain of ignoring what I knew in my knower was right outweighed the fear of change and the shame of failing. And here we are.

What’s wonderful is that having decided to Do The Thing, I feel released. Free. I’m lighter, even as I grieve the loss and nurse my wounded pride.

I’m ready. It’s time for a new season.

In practical terms, I don’t know much about the future. The fate of the Forgotten Relics series, when/if I’ll come back to writing, who I’ll become in this new season—they’re each a giant question mark. Perhaps an interrobang.

What I do know is I’m not disappearing. I’ll still be lurking/oversharing on Facebook and Twitter, and you can follow me on Instagram, Tumblr, and Pinterest for pictures of food and Dean Winchester. Also keep a weather eye on this space for random blog posting.

I also know that I love you.

I may not know what happens next, but whatever it is, I’m convinced it’ll be amazing because you are amazing. You’ve been my cheer-readers, my co-adventurers, my friends. You’ve trusted me when I felt untrustworthy, loved me when I felt unlovable, and continue to do so even now, when I’m saying I need an indefinite break.

Words aren’t enough to thank you for your love, support, and generosity, but the internet doesn’t support transmedia hugging yet, so words will have to do.

Thank you, my lovelies—for everything. See you ’round the ‘verse.

Garnet Dagger haircut FFIX
“Sometimes, you can’t think everything out. You have to listen to your heart.” — Zidane Tribal, FFIX

5 Comments

  1. Maureen

    July 13, 2015 at 9:56 AM

    Stepping back can be a good thing…. best wishes for your adventurous future!

    1. elliedi

      July 13, 2015 at 10:03 AM

      Thank you! <3

  2. Lesley Donaldson

    July 13, 2015 at 1:05 PM

    There’s nothing wrong with taking a breather. You know I’m in your corner cheering your eventual return!!

    1. elliedi

      July 13, 2015 at 2:59 PM

      Many thanks, darling! <3 <3 <3

  3. Kent

    July 14, 2015 at 12:27 AM

    anything worth doing, is worth re-doing. ’til then…

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