Noticing.Twenty-Six

  1. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lam 3:22-23 ESV)
  2. I rebuild the extinguished bonfire, driving back the dark, forcing the wolf to retreat. The circle of light around my camp is small but growing. I add more wood.
  3. More whipping cream.
  4. I bolt from the classroom without explanation. I forgot to call the doctor’s office. They squeeze me in for the last appointment of the day. I know what she’s going to say, but I need to find out for sure.
  5. She cries bloody murder after 30 minutes. I’m in the middle of a writing lesson and refuse to budge. It pays off–she passes back out and I get to finish the lesson. I press my luck and start another.
  6. My level of rage and the speed at which it comes is terrifying. It flashes me back to when she was a newborn and I fantasized about shaking her in my new-parent frustration. It scares us both. But there’s no time, no room to process. I swallow it again, ask for forgiveness, and keep pressing on.
  7. I don’t think I’ve ever had so many hugs, kisses, cuddles, and requests for “uppies” in her entire life. I just wish it didn’t cost us both so much.
  8. Probably a molar and an ear infection (still) for her. Probably a virus and counselling for me.
  9. I was right.
  10. Another hard day. But the mercies are still new every day and the grace is still infinite because none of us ever get it exactly right no matter how hard we try or how badly we feel for messing it up.

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