… if I treated this blog like a Tumblr or, heaven forbid, a LiveJournal instead of a Very Serious Website Indeed?
Like, you know, posting whatever the shit I want, whenever. Wee runny bits of brainsmattering here; an over-saturated Instagram of my cats rolling in (kitty)dope paired with an Amanda Fucking Palmer video there. Not worrying about schedules or being of value or scaring the muggles or “ermahgerd ahm so negertiv*!”
See, having gotten “so far” with The Headologist (whatever the fuck that means) and lost “so much ground” (whatever the fuck that means either) is mushing my head. And then there’s this whole writing-a-book merry-go-round of learning and writing and tunnel-visioning and exploding and loving-the-shit-out-of-it that I’m all spun about. Like, who am I and what am I doing here again?
I’ve also gotten so ants-in-my-pants angsty about the traffic nosedive here since the relaunch that I’ve been seriously debating the actual need for the site at all. No one fucking reads this shit anymore, right? {note: not a cry for help}
But then the “you have to have a site to be a professional anything anymore” demons and the “if you don’t blog, no one will know you exist” gremlins and the “oh my gawd I need attention” fuckers start chorusing their nasty songs and I relent.
It happens at least twice a day. Three times if I’m not noveling. It’s disheartening at best and tear-open-my-skin crazy-making at worst. And it’s not even December yet. Joy.
Not entirely sure what I’m getting at here. Or why I need to post this kind of ramble right now (aside from aforementioned demons, gremlins, and fuckers, anyway). But it needs to be said.
I shall now accept love-smotherings in the form of LOLcats, internet hugs, virtual flowers, and cash.
I have no LOLcats but I do have a "DUDE… you are AWESOME!" Does that help?
Yes! Yes, it does. <3
Still reading, lovelyface. Xo
Mwah. <3
I totally understand. My site has zero (nearly) still and I'm certain no one reads what I'm writing but I have this festering urge to blog & write shit & be all hey look at this pretty I made & plz buy my shit dude. Then I also want to turn off my internet and say to hell with the whole thing. I stop myself from posting rants and other bits of nonsense most of the time. And really what the hell for? Isn't the point of having my own space is to be able to do what I want?
I still like reading your stuffs no matter what you post.
Whatever you do, please don't stop blogging! I'm a new-ish reader of your blog, and I'm quite enamoured, you make me laugh, and you sharing your story about your relapse into disordered eating was one of the things that inspired me to write an essay about my own stuggles with disordered eating. I love the way you approach a lot of topics, some days your posts are funny and some days they are inspiring (like Graturday!)
-Danielle
Oh, darling, you\’re so sweet. Thank you for the encouragement, and I\’m so happy you\’re here. <3
You're describing my blog–random, intermittent, sometimes trivial, sometimes grandiose. No, I don't get loads of traffic there. Sometimes that makes me want to cry. Other times, it doesn't bother me at all.
But whatever. I'm still reading what you have to say and wonder what's going on in your head. As long as you have *something* to share, I'll be happy. Keep on keepin' on!
Thanks for shaking the pompoms, Josh! <3
1. Maybe this is a case of finding your true followers/readers when times are tough. The ones that you want to stick around while you work out 'who am I and what am I doing here again'. Those are the ones you can help just by sharing your experience.
2. If you got 'so far' with The Headologist once you can do it again and again and again with whatever message you want to share with the world.
3. You should never listen to the gremlins and demons and fuckers while in the throws of NaNoWriMo. Instead, write them into the story and kill them in spectacular fashion, or just make them suffer. I say this with love, as a NaNoWriMo veteran.
4. I LOVE tumblr style blogs that capture the beauty and fun of every day life. These things are totally underrated and can add all sorts of happy to our lives if only we weren't so apologetic about it.
5. {{hugs}} & confetti & awesome rockin' 80s tunes!
You're brilliant. Honest.
Also: YAY CONFETTI! <3
I'm a (relatively) new reader and loving your work. Chin up, you'll find your way. Clare x
Thank you, darling! I mega appreciate you. <3
I love your stuff, and don't care what you write about… there's a great article on brainpickings from words from.. Wallace? Vonnegut? I'll try to dig it out. But basically its about how you start writing for yourself, then you get an audience, and in trying to write what the audience wants you lose your joy in writing and then your writing sucks, so you have to go back to writing for yourself to write anything anyone else would want to read…
Yeah, I remember that quote (can't remember who it's from, though, of course). I'm in this weird place where I'm not sure what I want or, when I do think I know, how I want to do it. I fear that winter is influencing my decisions.
I've been reading since you were The Headologist and although I miss your helpful posts intentionally written for an audience, I stuck with reading your blog because I'm all about people doing their own thing and what they think is right for them – and there's still a lot to learn from by reading your more personal-oriented posts. I love them just as dearly as any Headologist post.
I'm definitely feeling you with the "you have to have a site to be a professional anything anymore." When you find a solution to the reluctance to frequently managing a site, do feel free to share with us your findings – this regular blogging bullshit just to keep our foot in the digital door is something we're all fucking sick and tired of. Reading everywhere that it's something we "have" to do doesn't help with it either.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this, darling. I will certainly share any findings, and I\’m so glad you find the more personal writing still helpful. <3
Well…you could always just get a tumblr *as well*… *evil grin* Come to the dark side…join us…
… ironically, I did. Right before I posted this.
http://ellebellemedia.tumblr.com